


Hide and Go Sleep

by yuma (yuma_writes)



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-31
Updated: 2013-12-31
Packaged: 2018-10-07 02:58:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,598
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10350861
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yuma_writes/pseuds/yuma
Summary: I think the title might explain it all. *eg* Don’t you?





	

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Yuma, the archivist: this work was originally archived at [Stargatefan.com](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Stargatefan.com). To preserve the archive, we began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [StargateFan Archive Collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/StargateFan_Archive_Collection).

Hide and Go Sleep

The man was dancing again. 

Long gray arms unwrapped themselves from a rotund middle, waving wildly as fat stumpy legs hopped madly on top of his table. Daniel gawked as the figurine brought back by SG-4 began to do the salsa. 

"Oh...boy." Daniel rubbed his eyes and checked again. 

The statue stood there, smirking innocently at him like it had for the past two hours. 

Daniel took a long sip of his coffee, making a face at how cold it was. Normally, he wouldn't take on the workload of another team when he still had translations to do, but the entire team had fallen sick with high fever from something back on that planet and were quarantined for the night. He remembered walking by in the hallways when he heard what sounded like...singing as the team was carted away. Fraiser only gave him an exasperated look before she realized he was only there to pick up artifacts, not because of some injury. One of the technicians shoved the bag into his hands and now here he was, three o'clock in the morning, trying to decipher Stevenson's handwriting. It went from neat to a wild frenzy of loops and lines as whatever it was befell him. 

Groaning as his head began to pound again, Daniel rested his head in his hands and looked blearily at the statue that had been found with the other stuff. The jovial face looked back silently. It seemed amused that he couldn't make heads or tails of the stuff. 

"Oh shut up." Daniel muttered at it. 

"Excuse me?" 

Daniel jumped with a yelp. When he realize it wasn't the statue, he turned around and saw Jack standing there by the door, arms crossed. 

"You scared me!" He blurted out. "For a moment-" 

"Do you know what time it is?" The older man interrupted whatever it was Daniel was going to say. 

"Um..." 

"Three...o...clock." Jack pointed at his watch. The scientist winced. "We have a briefing at 0800 hours, Jackson. I want you awake at the meeting, not snoring away at la-la land." 

Daniel didn't even bother to figure out what 0800 hours meant, but it sounded early. He opened his mouth to explain, but what came out instead was a jaw aching yawn. Daniel flushed, grinning sheepishly as he popped two more aspirins into his mouth. 

"They're not candy, Daniel." The colonel sighed as he walked over to the young man and grabbed the bottle away from him, not that Daniel could have stopped him. Daniel was so tired, his fingers felt like spaghetti at this point. 

With that thought, his stomach growled. 

"And you didn't eat anything yet I take it." Jack drawled, one eyebrow arched when he heard the loud rumble. 

"Um...no." 

Rolling his eyes, Jack grabbed Daniel's forearm and hauled the anthropologist up. 

"Come on. Let's see if the kitchen's still open." 

"But I still have to finish-" 

"Nothing. There's nothing that can't wait until tomorrow." 

"But-" 

Jack growled, half dragging the stumbling man out of the office. He scowled at the statue on the table and as he shut the door, he could have sworn he saw it wink.   


*****

  


"Damn, if I didn't see you pick at your food, I would have thought you gained a few pounds there, Jackson." The colonel grunted as he half supported Daniel up, maneuvering very precariously around the hallways. After a few minutes of Daniel staring at his soup, Jack decided the half-hearted bite he took out of the roll would be enough and steered him towards his room. 

"Uh huh." Daniel said sleepily, rubbing his eyes under his glasses. The spectacles fell off and he stopped, halting Jack in his tracks abruptly. Forgetting Jack had an arm around his forearm, Daniel bend down to pick them up. The hallway spun out of control and Daniel fell forward. 

"Whoa-" He mumbled, as he was dragging Jack down with him. 

"Daniel! Goddamn it!" Jack swore as he felt himself falling back. He yanked his arm away before that could happen and turned around to demand just what was Daniel doing when he saw the man crouched down on the floor, one hand on his pair of glasses, the other on his head. 

"Daniel?" Concerned, Jack hunched down and gripped both hands on Daniel's shoulders. The young man looked up with a weak smile. 

"I think...I'm tired, Jack..." 

"You think?" The older man drawled, a relieved smile gracing his face when he saw that the scientist's eyes looked clear and coherent. 

"Glasses." Daniel giggled. 

Jack rolled his eyes. Clear, yes. The colonel was beginning to wonder if Daniel was coherent. 

"Come on. Let's go to your room." Jack helped him up once again. Daniel stood there, blinking owlishly at Jack. 

"Why?" He followed the colonel nevertheless. 

"So you can get some sleep." Jack said patiently. 

"Why?" Ever the scientist, Daniel pressed on. 

"Because then **I** can leave." 

"Why?" 

"So I can get some sleep." 

"You?" 

"It's 3 in the morning." Jack checked his watch. "Shit, make that almost 4." 

"Canten my ro...room...he...snortoomuch..." Daniel mumbled, his head down as he was led down the hall. 

"What?" Jack looked at the bowed head in confusion. 

"Snorsnor...too loud..." 

The man didn't comment as he reached Daniel's bunkroom. One arm wrapped around Daniel's waist to keep him upright, Jack fumbled with the knob and swung the door open. 

He skidded to a halt when he heard a train rumbling in the room. 

"See?" Daniel said plaintively, hands weakly going up to cover his ears. "L-loud." His head drooped down and landed on Jack's shoulder with a thud. He whipped it up again, rubbing his forehead. "Ow." 

"What the hell is he doing in your...ah hell." Jack remembered. When SG-4 returned, they were placed in separate isolation rooms. Then when two of the technicians down at the carbon dating labs fell ill, the bunkrooms were doubled up as others were used as private infirmary rooms now. 

The soldier on the top bunk, totally oblivious to the scrutiny, snored happily away. Jack could have sworn the mirror by the wall was shaking. 

"How the hell does he survive the overnight missions?" Jack grumbled as he shut the door and stood there on the hallway, one anthropologist leaning heavily against him. "The rest of his team would have strung him up the moment his mouth opened." 

"Tired." Daniel complained as he slid down the wall. Jack pulled him up again. 

"Stick you in front of a rock and you're not tired." The man grumbled. "Take you somewhere else and suddenly you're Rip Van Wrinkle." 

"Artifacts." 

"Yeah yeah." 

"Artifacts." Daniel insisted, tugging at Jack's sleeves. The man groaned. 

"Rocks, okay? They're just rocks-" 

"A...T...R...A...C...F...T!" Daniel spelled out, fumbling in his own words. "Artifacts!" 

Jack grinned. Despite the hour, this was just too funny. "Suure. Okay, Jackson. Artifacts." 

"Thank you." Daniel grumbled and proceeded to slide down the wall again until Jack yanked him up. "Hey!" 

"You're not sleeping here, Daniel. With your luck, someone might step on you and you'll get a fractured skull or something." 

"T...ired!" 

"Uh huh. Told you." Jack chewed his lip thoughtfully. Most of the rooms were packed with the teams home except for SG-6, but they weren't not due back for hours. "We have to find you someplace quiet." 

"Huh?" 

"So you can sleep." Jack said patiently, wincing as he still heard the anonymous soldier. He frowned when he realized that he would probably have to room with Jackson for now until the quarantine on SG-4 was over. 

"Is thath an order?" Daniel grinned. 

"Yes, Doctor Jackson." Jack drawled. "I order we find you a quiet place to sleep." 

"Yessur!" The young man gave a flippant salute and Jack rolled his eyes up towards the ceiling, mouthing "why me?" 

"Come on...we're heading back to my room." 

"Why?" 

"Not this again!" Jack groaned out loud. He ruffled the light sandy hair as he grabbed him by the waist again. "To get some sleep. I'll take the top bunk." 

"Go...going somewh...er...else?" Daniel was trying very hard to put his words together. The young man frowned when he couldn't. 

"Yup. Moving house." Jack quipped as he steered him through the hallway. "Setting camp elsewhere." 

"Oh..." Daniel giggled as his head dropped down again. "Like...no...mads..." 

"Huh?" 

"Nooomads..." Daniel waved his hand up in the air, nearly smacking Jack in the eye. 

"Daniel!" 

"One place...then the otherrrth...nomads..." Daniel slurred as he rubbed his eyes. Stumbling, he crashed into Jack. 

"Urg..." Jack winced as he tightened his grip. "Nomads. I get it." 

"Justh like the mangolies..." 

"What?" Jack gawked at his friend as he skidded to a halt to his room. "Mangoes? You're hungry again?" 

"No..." The young man said plaintively. "Mangolies!" 

Jack grinned, shaking his head as he kicked his own door open, pleased that the room was empty. No loud locomotives sleeping here. Ah, the privileges of rank. 

"Oh...Mongolians!" 

Jack chuckled as he deposited his friend on the lower bunk, pulling his legs up to the bed. "I get it. Mongolians. Nomads. Okay, Jackson. Whatever you say." 

"I did." Daniel grumbled. He sighed as a blanket was placed over him. Snuggling deeper into the covers, the young man sighed again. "Thanth Ja'k." 

"Sure, buddy. Just be awake in a few hours for the meeting, okay?" Jack climbed up to his bed and stretched. Finally! Maybe he could get some sleep. "Night, Danny." He switched off his lights. 

Daniel didn't answer. Jack smiled in the dark, noting how fast it was for the man to drop off to sleep. He suspected the scientist had probably been up since this morning when SG-4 returned. He made a mental note to tell Teal'c to barricade his office after ten p.m. Maybe then, his young friend would go to sleep at a decent hour. 

"Ja'k?" 

The colonel groaned. Or maybe not. 

"What?" 

"I coulthsd fithgurl out the vow'ls...they er too cosethly pronoun...ouced." 

"What?" Jack sat up. He dropped his head down to glare at Daniel upside down. "What the hell are you talking about?" 

"Thetableth...SG-4..." Daniel blinked as the man's head popping into view. 

"Am I uoside dow orr you, Ja'k?" 

Jack groaned. "Get some sleep, Jackson." 

"'Kay." 

"Am I upside down or you? I don't believe this." Jack grumbled as he refluffed his pillow and laid his head down on it. 

The older man calmed down, his shoulders slowly relaxing against the soft mattress, drifting away in the quiet darkness. He could feel his eyes closing as- 

"Ja'k?" 

Jack's eyes flew open. 

"What?" He roared. 

Daniel was silent for a moment and Jack thought he had gone back to sleep. 

"My head...hu'ts..." 

"You're probably thinking too much again." Jack grumbled. "Go back to sleep." 

The young man grew quiet. 

_Thank God._

"Ja'k?" 

The colonel took the pillow and slammed his face on it, flipping himself over on his stomach to cover his face and hopefully his ears. 

"Ja'k?" 

"What...is...it?" Jack grated out. 

"My head really...weally...hu'ts..." To empathize that, Daniel groaned softly. 

Jack sat up. He frowned when he heard the soft intake of breath, anxious gasping for pain. Alarmed, he swung down from the top bunk to the floor and switched on the lights. Daniel moaned, turning his back towards the lights, arm up to cover his eyes. 

"Hey...Daniel...let me see." Jack was dismayed to realize that the shoulder he touched was hot. "Christ, you're burning up here!" 

"Tired..." 

"I know. Hold on, let me see your eyes." Jack swore softly when he saw the blue orbs glazed. Daniel squinted at him. 

"F'zzy..." The young man lifted his hand weakly to touch Jack's face tentatively. He frowned when it wasn't furry as his mind told him. "Wha' h'ppening Ja'k?" 

"Shit." Jack felt his pulse. It was racing. "I think you might have caught what SG-4 got. Did you come in contact with them at all?" 

"No..." Daniel groaned again. "Head...h'rts..." 

"I know. Let's get you to the infirmary." Jack tried to sit Daniel up." 

"No!" The young man twisted away. "T'red..." 

"You could sleep in the infirmary." 

"No..." Daniel shuffled away from Jack's hand. The older man sighed. 

"Fine. Let me get Doc over here at least, okay?" 

Daniel nodded, his eyes closed. Jack patted his shoulder absently before heading for his phone. 

The infirmary picked up at first ring and a haggard voice answered. 

"H'llo?" 

Jack raised an eyebrow at the voice. "Doc? Is that you? What are you doing up?" 

"Waiting for your call with bated breath." Fraiser shot back sarcastically. Jack winced. The doctor paused. "Sorry...SG-4 has been really at it for a while. None of the tests came back conclusive. And now I got the entire lab staff at B-13 down with the high fever. Do you know how annoying the song Henry the VIII is when sung off-key by a dozen lab technicians?" 

The colonel winced. Fraiser was **not** going to like the news he was going to tell her. "I hate to do this to you, Doc, but Daniel-" 

Janet sighed. "Why am I not surprised? Bring him over." 

"No can do. Kid does not want to go. Can you come over here to my room instead?" 

The doctor sounded like she was going to protest but then Jack heard garbled singing in the background, suddenly a few more voices joining in. Janet sighed. 

"I'll be there in two minutes."   


*****

  


Jack placed another cold cloth over Daniel's forehead, smiling briefly when he heard the mumbled thanks from the young man. Patting him on the arm, Jack pulled up the covers again and wondered what was taking Fraiser so long. 

"You have to marinate it first!" 

Jack looked up. "What the?" 

"Damn it, Booker! Will you calm down?" Another voice outside the hallway griped. "Damn it! Tesh, hold him still!" 

"But you have to marinate them first!" The other voice grew louder. "Otherwise you can't braise them!" 

"Ow! Booker!" Jack recognized the voice now as Sergeant Anderson. "That's my leg! Not some rack of lamb!" 

"Too bony...all fat..." 

"Excuse me?" Tesh said, all indignant. 

"Don't mind him, Tesh. Damn, he's really hot. Come on, Booker. Doc Fraiser got a niiice stove for you to-hey!" 

"Come back here!" Tesh shouted. 

Concerned, Jack opened the door in time to see Booker making a break for it. As the soldier zipped by, Jack grabbed him by the ankles, grunting as they both went crashing to the floor. 

"Noo, they're gonna burn!" Booker wailed. Anderson rolled his eyes and hauled the guy up. 

"Sorry, Colonel." Anderson nodded wearily as Fraiser came running up with two nurses. "He started telling me and Tesh how the kitchen really messed up on the roast beef and suddenly he was poking forks at Major Johnson and stuff." 

"Was he with SG-4?" Fraiser asked after a quick glance at Jack told her that the older man was all right. 

"Nah." Tesh scowled at Booker as the delirious soldier kept on muttering about all fat. He shook a fist at the guy as he went on. "Me and Booker were helping out the labs when the rest started going...er...loopy. We were hauling a bunch of statues and stuff, that's all." 

"On top of spagetttttti! All covered with cheeeeese! I lost my poor meatball...when somebody sneezed!" 

The other three soldiers winced as Fraiser sighed. 

"Great, another singer." The doctor pulled out a syringe. Tapping the air bubbles out, she injected the full contents into his arm. Booker blinked, grinning stupidly at her. He waved at her and Janet smiled wanly, waving back. Then, the soldier yawned. Anderson and Tesh barely caught him in time when Booker fell forward. One of the nurses, amused, led the trio back to the infirmary. 

"Booker," Jack could hear Anderson muttering as he went by him. "You have got to lose some weight here!" 

"All fat, my ass." Tesh grumbled. 

"Oh, will you get off that?" Anderson complained as their voices drifted away. 

"Hey, you weren't just told you were fat!" Tesh scoffed. 

The other snorted. "No, I was just stabbed like a piece of meat! Man, why didn't they just ship me off on a mission? Of all the freaking..." 

"Colonel?" Fraiser rubbed her temples tiredly. "You said Daniel was also burning up?" 

"Yeah." Jack's eyes were still on the departing trio. He shook his head and turned his attention back to the doctor. "He's in here." He nodded towards the partly shut door. Fraiser motioned her medic to follow and the two proceeded into the room, Jack still standing there, stretching out his arms a bit. Maybe he'd visit Daniel a bit before heading off to bed. He could still catch a few good hours before- 

"Colonel O'Neill!" Fraiser stalked back out of the room. "I do not find this the least bit funny!" 

Jack looked confused. "Huh?" 

"Very funny, saying he's in there!" 

"He is!" Jack stormed into the room. "Look, he didn't want to leave here so I said I would bring you in here in-" The colonel skidded to a stop. 

Daniel was gone.   


*****

  


The candles flickered a bit, but Teal'c took no notice. 

The Jaafa sat crossed-legged on top of the bed, deep in a meditative state as he rested. His back stiff, arms out to rest on his knees, Teal'c found himself drifting. Every so often, he frowned as another negative thought crossed his consciousness and he took a deep breath to get rid of it. He had to stay calm, stay focused, even though they were not currently in battle. When his mind expanded, his thoughts now on his son in the Land of Light, Teal'c smiled and sighed deeply, wishing he were there to see his son. 

Someone sighed back. 

Teal'c raised an eyebrow. _Strange_ , he thought, _I was not aware of an echo effect here in my quarters_. Then he felt the bed give a bit and he rocked in his seat. 

Opening his eyes, Teal'c's eyebrow went even higher when he saw Daniel Jackson curled up on the bed, the young man's head inches away from his right knee. 

"Daniel Jackson?" The Jaafa wondered how the scholar was able to slip into his room without him hearing. Teal'c nudged the scientist until he looked up with red rimmed eyes. 

Daniel smiled sleepily, his eyes already half shut. "H'llo, Teal'c." 

"Hello, Daniel Jackson." The Jaafa automatically returned. He pursed his lips, studying the young human. "Why are you here?" 

"Sle'ping..." 

"I see." Teal'c frowned slightly. Was this a Tau'ri custom O'Neill had failed to tell him about? "But why are you sleeping in my bed, Daniel Jackson?" 

"Ca'se it's too no'sey in mine." Daniel replied sleepily. 

"Ah...I see." Teal'c didn't really. 

Daniel smiled again and patted Teal'c on the knee in front of him. "Wasn'th that a silly qu...qu'stion?" 

"Yes, Daniel Jackson. I will not ask it again." 

The young man nodded wearily and set his head down again. Teal'c absently patted him on the head then paused with a puzzled look when he realized that the man was warm. 

"Are you well, Daniel Jackson?" Teal'c got off the bed and peered at his friend carefully, noting the flushed cheeks with mild concern. "Perhaps we should go to the infirmary?" 

"Why does eberybodth wanths me to go to the infirm...infirm...there?" Daniel's voice went a bit higher as he complained. He tiredly waved his hand around in a circle up in the air. "If I wanted to...go there...I wo'ld haf moved ev'rything to there!" 

Teal'c's eyebrow went up again. "I see." 

"No you don't..." The young man pouted, moving his head until he was facedown. "'Sides...Ja'k w'nted me to find a quiet placeth...to sleep..." 

"O'Neill told you that?" The Jaafa was surprised. Why didn't O'Neill take Daniel Jackson to the infirmary? "What of your room?" 

"Choo choo train..." Daniel yawned. 

Teal'c scratched his chin. Another clique he had yet to comprehend. "I see. So you came here?" 

"Noo..." Daniel sounded exasperated, waving his hand again, nearly poking the Jaafa in the eye, but Teal'c veered away from it without any problem. "Was at Ja'k's furst..." 

"O'Neill's room?" This was getting stranger and stranger. 

"But too noooissy..." Daniel giggled. "Curnel's orders...find quiet place...shhhh!" He turned his head, placing a finger to his lips. 

"It was too noisy in O'Neill's room?" Teal'c thought about this. "O'Neill was too noisy?" He nodded. "He can be very vocal at times." 

"Yup..." Daniel nodded, his hair getting all mussed up on the mattress. "Ja'k's loco. Muy loco!" The young man giggled again. 

"Muy loco." Teal'c repeated and mentally sighed. Yet another one. Perhaps he should write them down in a notebook like Daniel Jackson does. "Rest here Daniel Jackson, I will call Doctor Fraiser over." 

"'Kay." Daniel waved at his friend, not bothering to look up. The arm flopped down to the floor. Teal'c gently placed it back on the bed, checked his forehead and his frown deepened. The temperature appeared to have increased. He picked up the phone and dialed the extension as Daniel Jackson had once taught him. 

"What?" A voice shouted. 

Teal'c pulled the phone away a bit when he heard loud...singing in the background. "Doctor Fraiser?" 

"Teal'c?" Janet was shouting to raise her voice above the noise. "What is it? Don't tell me you're sick too?" 

"I have not been overcome with the sickness like SG-4, but Daniel Jackson-" 

Janet groaned. 

"Doctor Fraiser?" 

"Let me guess...he's in your room." 

"N'isy!" Daniel's voice was far away, sounding irritated. 

"I am sorry, Daniel Jackson." Teal'c said without turning around. He lowered his voice a little. "He has a very high temperature. Shall I bring him to the infirmary?" 

"Might as well. As long as he doesn't- Hey! Cut that out!" Janet's voice faded a bit as she turned away from the phone. 

"I am a doctor! MD!" Someone was shouting. Janet cursed and Teal'c arched his eyebrow. It was most unusual to hear such strong language from the doctor. 

"Will you stop...urk! Let go of my ste...Smiths! Get him off of me! I...let go!" Janet grumbled as she turned back to the phone. "Look, just bring him in here. We'll find a bed for him." 

Teal'c nodded, turning to tell Daniel Jackson. His mouth opened and he stopped, staring at the bed. Slowly, he turned back to the phone. 

"I am afraid I can not, Doctor Fraiser." 

"Why not...will you let go? Smiths!" 

Teal'c noted the half-opened door with dismay. "I fear I may have been too noisy for Daniel Jackson. He is not here."   


*****

  


"...So I was down at the labs in B-13, checking on that weird smiling statue of this really gross looking female that SG-4 brought back when suddenly Simmons started...reciting poetry." 

Sam blinked as she rinsed off the soap from her hair. She glanced back at Lieutenant Clark, who was toweling off. Hayes from Medical was laughing. 

"Really?" Hayes snickered. "You should have seen Doctor Fraiser. When Colonel Makepeace started singing to her, she thought it was actually okay. Turns out he has a pretty nice voice." 

"Maybe we should have him sing at the Christmas party this year instead of Cooper." Sam suggested, accepting the towel from Clark with a grin. 

Hayes laughed as she tugged brown hair out of knots. The petite woman rolled her eyes. "Yeah, but the other patients heard and started singing too and they weren't as...well...talented." 

Clark giggled as she ran a hand through her short trim, her brunette hair going up in spikes. "Well...If this weren't getting serious...I mean...twenty so far...It would have been really funny." 

"You don't think it's like that thing from P3X797? That Touched disease?" Hayes asked worriedly. 

Sam winced. She remembered that one. In fact, when it became full-blown, it was here in the locker room where she...well...tried to mate. Her face grew red and she bent down to grab her robe. 

"No." The Captain said with a relieved smile. "No violent tendencies here. Just too much...happiness." She frowned as she continued. "Obviously its not by skin contact. I hope its not airborne." 

"Either way," Hayes went on, "Doctor Fraiser said it should wear off in another day or so. SG-4 isn't singing too much now. They're starting to complain about headaches." 

"Sounds like hangovers." Sam commented as she stepped out of the shower stall. "So, Linda. What exactly was Simmons reciting?" 

Clark laughed louder as she wrapped a towel around her lean body. "Would you believe love poems?" 

"Ooh...sounds like Simmons has a crush on someone here." Hayes quipped, eyeing Sam wickedly. 

Sam shook her head, proceeding to gather up her toiletries as Clark sighed. 

"Wish someone would recite poetry to me." 

Hayes snorted. "Gee...I wonder who?" 

The two women chattered on as they left the shower. Suddenly, Clark squealed. 

"Oh my! There **is** a god!" 

Sam ran out of there and nearly slipped, ramming into Clark and Hayes. "Daniel!" Sam squeaked. 

Curled up precariously on top of the bench, Daniel was dozing lightly in the locker room. 

Grabbing the edges of her bathrobe a bit tighter, glad she hadn't opt for just the towel, she came over. Touching him on the shoulder, she was alarmed to feel heat emanating through his thin black T-shirt. "Daniel?" 

Blinking, Daniel looked up, rubbing his eyes. When he saw who it was, he smiled. Clark, behind Sam, sighed. Sam turned around, giving the technician an exasperated look before turning back to her friend. 

"H'y S'm." Daniel tugged at her robe ties. Sam grabbed the ends a bit tighter. "Why you all w't? R'ining?" 

"Uh...no...Daniel...what are you doing here in the locker room?" Sam felt his pulse, frowning when she felt it racing. 

"Ja'k told me to find someplacth qu'et." The young man blinked rapidly, looking behind Sam. "H'llo." 

"Hi." Clark wiggled her fingers, smiling at him. "You look like you could use some help there, Sam. What say I-" 

"Oh no you don't!" Hayes exclaimed. "You in a towel and him obviously out of sorts. No no no! Bad combination!" 

"N'isy!" Daniel made a face. He sighed as Sam ran a gentle hand through his hair. "So tired." 

Sam was stunned. "The colonel told you to go sleep somewhere else?" 

"Uh huh." Daniel nearly fell off the bench. She steadied him, easing him to the floor. Snagging one of the folded fatigues, tossing the other two to her comrades, Sam draped it over him. 

"I'll be right back, Daniel." She got up and dashed outside. Seeing a soldier, she told him to get Doctor Fraiser quickly. The soldier nodded, turning embarrassed eyes away and fled. Sam looked down and groaned. Great, she had only a robe on. Ducking back into the locker room, she got dressed. 

Moments later, Jack knocked on the door. "Carter? You guys decent? What am I saying? Hey! Is Daniel in there? I got Doc here!" 

Sam swung the door open and glared at him. Jack took a step back in surprise. 

"Why did you tell him to go sleep somewhere else?" Sam demanded. 

"What? Me? I didn't-" 

"He probably has what SG-4 got and you send him off to sleep in the locker room?" 

"What?" Fraiser exclaimed from behind Jack. "You should have had him go to the infirmary!" 

Jack spun around to glare at her, then back at Sam. "I didn't! I told him to wait-" 

"Hey! We need a little help in here!" Hayes hollered. 

Jack pushed through without apology. He stopped in his tracks. 

"H'y!" Daniel protested when he felt the arms wrap around his neck. Pushing them feebly away, he mumbled. "Go aw'y!" 

"Oh, you're just too adorable...let momma Linda take care of you-" 

"Holy Hannah!" Sam exclaimed as she ran past the shocked colonel. She dropped to her knees and tried to pry the human octopus away from him. "Okay, Clark, let him go-" 

"No fair!" Clark hiccuped, her eyes bloodshot. "You just wanna keep him for yourself!" She reached over to grab at him again. 

Jack recovered, running over there and pulling Daniel away. He shook his head when the women tried to get Clark up again, who began wailing. 

"Let me through!" Fraiser squeezed in and managed to get a needle into Clark when Jack yelped. 

"Aw shit! Not again!" The colonel groaned when he saw that Daniel was gone. "For crying out loud!" 

Fraiser shook her head, watching the tranquilizer take effect. This was going to be one long night.   


*****

  


Technician Jones nearly spit out his coffee when he saw the person stagger up the ramp. How did he get up there? Then he remembered that most of the guards were cycling outside, changing shifts. 

"Hey you down there!" Jones barked into the microphone. "What are you doing?" 

The man moaned, clamping his ears shut and turned around to glare at the offender. 

"Qu'et!" Daniel yelled back. He grumbled as he sat down on the ramp, right in front of the Stargate. 

"Doctor Jackson?" Jones asked tentatively, staring at the window. The scientist was now curling up. He looked like he was falling asleep. "Uh...Doctor Jackson?" 

"What's going on?" General Hammond came down the stairs. He was reading through the reports of the affected staff when he heard the commotion. Hammond's eyes widened when he saw the Stargate. 

"What is Doctor Jackson doing up there?" He exclaimed. 

"Uh...looks like he's sleeping...um...sir." 

Hammond sighed. "Looks like he's got it too. Call Doctor Fraiser and-" 

Suddenly, the first chevron lit up. 

"Incoming travelers!" Jones exclaimed. 

"Get that iris up!" Hammond ordered as he barked into the microphone. "Doctor Jackson, you must get off the ramp! We have visitors coming!" 

"It's SG-6! They're early!" 

"Someone get down there!" Hammond shouted and took off downstairs himself. 

"Six is locked!" Jones shouted, his eyes wide with panic. Jackson was not moving. 

Hammond raced down the stairs, into the embarkation room just as the sixth chevron was locked. Pretty soon, the Stargate would activate and- He didn't want to think of the next part. "Doctor Jackson!" 

Daniel looked up, getting his head in front of the Stargate just as the codes on the other side overrode the iris shield. He tilted his head slightly, frowning when he saw Hammond waving him to get off. Then he smiled, waving back. 

Other soldiers were running in now, just as Hammond bodily hauled Daniel up. Then he heard the telltale whine. Swearing, Hammond grabbed Daniel and they jumped down the ramp just as the wormhole engaged and the column of light swooshed over the very spot they had been standing before. 

"Sir! Are you alright?" One of the soldiers exclaimed as they clamored over there. 

Taking a deep breath, General Hammond nodded. "I'm getting too old for this. Doctor Jackson?" 

"Ow!" Daniel made a face, hand up to the back of his head. "N'isy!" 

"Huh?" General Hammond was confused. But he felt the hand, warm with fever and he grew concerned. "Just stay still, Doctor Jackson. We'll-" 

"Th't's it!" Daniel burst out, pointing to Hammond. "Filled with mirth!" He grinned broadly. 

The soldiers looked aghast as Daniel poked General Hammond in the stomach. "What did you say?" 

"The tran...slation!" Daniel yawned. "It said-" 

"Sir!" 

Hammond's head shot up to the observation booth. "What?" 

Jones, his eyes glued to the Stargate, pointed silently at it. Hammond turned his head just as he heard a soldier whistled. 

Major Ferretti stood there, glum faced, with the rest of his SG-6 team. 

And over a hundred half-naked women standing behind him. 

"What is all this?" Hammond got up and gawked as the women fluttered about, coming down the ramp to the other soldiers. The soldiers laughed nervously as they tried to stand back. 

"Uh...women...sir?" Ferretti hedged. 

Hammond crossed his arms and waited. "Go on." 

Ferretti swallowed. He stood up straighter as he continued. "Ah...we were on our mission as targeted, sir when we encountered this large..." 

"Bear." One of his teammates piped up. 

"Big bear." Another said. 

Ferretti nodded. "Yeah...it tried to attack us and we fired back, killing it instantly." 

"That doesn't explain the hundred women standing here, Major." Hammond reminded him, his eyes narrowed. 

"A-apparently, it was attacking the village chieftain so in killing it, we saved him. He was grateful...uh...so grateful..." Ferretti turned beet red. 

"He gave me his wives." 

The women giggled as they touched the ramps, the Stargate, everything. 

Hammond was stunned. "These women were all his wives? All one hundred of them?" 

"Actually, sir." One of them pointed out meekly. "It's one hundred and twenty nine. We had to double count. They wouldn't let us leave without them, otherwise it meant rejection and they would have to be killed." 

"One hundred and twenty nine?" Hammond echoed. 

"He...kept one." Ferretti offered sheepishly, cringing as one cooed into his ear. His face turned brighter red, if at all possible. "She was his favorite." When he saw Hammond wasn't responding, he sighed. The women, seeing their new husband was sad, thought he was bored and they began dancing, swirling their hips, the tassels barely covering them began to spin. Ferretti yelped. His team began to frantically try to tell them to stop. 

"No! I wasn't bored! Look! You don't need to dance! Really!" Ferretti ran from woman to woman trying to get them to stop. "Really!" 

"General Hammond?" 

Hammond blinked and turned away from the sight. He saw Fraiser standing there, half asleep on her feet. 

"You called for me?" Janet eyed the women warily. "They look pretty...er...healthy to me." 

"Stop dancing! No...not the hair!" 

Hammond winced. "Not that...Doctor Jackson-" He groaned, looking down. 

Daniel was gone...again.   


*****

  


Anderson rubbed his face wearily and looked at the time. By the time he got Booker settled, two other technicians from X-rays had begun their rendition of the Chorus Line. They nearly kicked him in the ass so hard, he could have sworn his teeth fell out. Tesh had to sit on them while he got Doctor Fraiser. And that delightful escapade took him nearly an hour. Trudging to the Rec. room, Anderson resigned himself to a short nap there. 

With a sigh, he was glad to see no one else was around so he headed for the couch. He didn't bother going around to the front. He just jumped, swinging from the back to land on the couch. As he dropped onto the couch, he felt something hard underneath him and heard an indignant yelp. Startled, Anderson fell back hard onto the floor. 

"Ow!" Daniel sat up, rubbing his head. He glared down at Anderson. 

"Doctor Jackson?" Anderson asked incredulously, looking up at him. "What are you doing here?" 

"I thow it was qu'et!" Daniel complained, his eyes looked crossed. 

_Ah crap_. Anderson smiled reassuringly as he shuffled away, his hands up in the air. He just **so** not needed this. Singing Sergeants were one thing, but loony tunes anthropologists watched over by protective Colonels and huge Jaafas were another. "Okay. I'll be quiet, Doc. Why don't you sleep over there?" 

Daniel brightened. "Re'lly?" He smiled and nodded. Sinking back down on the couch, he sighed as he closed his eyes. 

Slowly, Anderson made his way to the phone and punched for the infirmary. 

"Where and who?" Fraiser just said to the phone, sounding very whipped. 

"Uuuh...Hey, Doc Fraiser? This is Anderson-" 

"Your friend's fine, Sergeant. He's sleeping. The only one who stopped singing." Fraiser sighed again as Henry the VIII began as yet another encore. 

"Er...that's good, but I was calling because...Doctor Jackson's here in the Rec. room. I was coming in to crash and sat on him-" 

"What?" Jack's voice came through the phone and Anderson winced. Great, Doctor Fraiser had him on speakerphone. 

"You sat on Jackson? Where is he?" 

"Will you give me that phone back?" 

"Hang on a sec, who is this? Who sat on Jackson? You mean someone sat on Daniel-" 

"Colonel, give me back my phone!" 

"Who is that on the phone? Anderson? That you? You sat on him?" 

"Colonel!" 

"O'Neill." Oh great. Anderson could hear Teal'c coming into the infirmary over the phone. "Why did you ask Daniel Jackson to sleep elsewhere?" 

"What? I didn't- Look. Teal'c, I can't talk right now. Someone sat on Daniel-" 

"Who sat on Daniel Jackson?" 

"Look, gentlemen, will **someone** give me back my phone...oh no...Smiths! They're singing again...I don't care what you do...yes, yes...another 20 c.c.s would do...Colonel...give me back my phone." 

Anderson groaned, smacking himself on the forehead. So much for some sleep now. He'd never escape Colonel O'Neill's wraith now. 

"N'isy!" Daniel's voice came from the couch. 

"Is that Daniel?" The Colonel sounded like he was pressed against the receiver now. "Daniel?" 

"Will you give me back my phone?" 

"Where is he?" 

"He just said the Rec. ro- Colonel O'Neill?" Janet sighed as she got back on the phone. "Ah...Anderson? Colonel O'Neill is heading your way right now." 

"I wish you wouldn't make it sound so foreboding." Anderson whined as he rubbed his temples. God, what he wouldn't give for a Jaafa to hide behind right now! "It was an accident." He turned, waving towards the couch as he walked over to check on him. "I mean, he was...oh shit." 

"Let me guess." Janet said wearily. "You lost him." 

Anderson nodded and sat on the couch, his head slumped. "Aw hell...I should have gone with SG-6 yesterday."   


*****

  


Jack wanted to pound his head against the wall. Well...maybe not his head. Maybe Anderson over there. Or Ferretti...nah...his hundred and one wives there might attack him like a bunch of crazed Dalmatians. And he thought Daniel was the heartbreaker of the base. He wanted to do something! 

With Carter going to the labs on a hunch, Jack had only Teal'c to help him with searching for one elusive linguist. Fraiser had her hands full with twenty some odd people complaining of headaches, twelve singing oldie songs, ten thinking they were Generals, Starship Commanders, one from the Land of Oz, and if he remembered the rest of that old Christmas song, there should be five golden rings coming up. 

Five golden rings? Jack groaned. He definitely got to get some sleep. He checked his watch again and cursed. Five o' clock. 

"Teal'c?" Jack barked into his walkie-talkie. He kept eyeing the Stargate room as he circled by the bulk doors once more. He heard what happened and thinking what **could** have happened made his feet pick up the pace once more. 

"I do not see him, O'Neill." 

"Damn." The older man glared at any soldiers still left wandering the halls. He just kept going, heading for the bunkrooms again. 

"Colonel!" Carter's excited voice came through the radio. 

"What? You found him?" Jack asked anxiously. 

"Huh? Oh no...not that!" Jack groaned as Carter continued. "We've found it! The source!" 

"What was it?" He opened one door and winced. He had circled back to Daniel's assigned room, the anonymous soldier still sawing wood. Damn he was loud! Cursing under his breath, Jack continued on. 

"The artifacts!" Carter's voice picked up speed. "General Hammond was telling me how Daniel poked him and said filled with mirth and-" 

"He did what?" Jack stopped in his tracks. "Great..." 

"No, wait...there's more-" 

"More?" Jack groaned. Deeper and deeper the hole is dug. 

"Daniel was muttering about translations so I thought maybe he wasn't talking about General Hammond was full of...er...mirth...but the translations were saying that. So I checked the labs and found this statue on Daniel's desk-" 

"I remember that ugly thing." 

"Well, that ugly thing, sir, is filled with a chemical inside that's like pure alcohol. I mean...I don't know how we missed this before. It makes sense now. Anyone handling these objects would have absorbed it into their skins and-" 

"Captain...what are you trying to say here?" 

Sam sounded like she was choking. "What I'm trying to say here...sir...is everyone's...um...drunk." 

Jack nearly crashed into the corner as he stumbled in shock. He stared at the innocent radio. _You've got to be kidding me_. 

"Sir?" 

"Carter...are you trying to tell me...that Daniel is **not** delirious...but is in a wandering stupor?" 

"Ah...not really, sir. He technically didn't consume any alcohol and-" 

"Answer the question! In English!" 

"Ah...yeah." 

He couldn't help it. The hysterical giggle that had been pressing in his sides was building until he couldn't hold it in any longer and he busted out laughing. Clutching his stomach, Jack choked back the laughter before he got any more wary looks from passing by staff. 

"Ah...sir?" 

"Nothing, Carter...it just puts the whole thing in a different perspective." Jack wiped a tear from his eye. Drunk indeed. And he thought the young man getting tipsy on one beer was bad. But this time, the kid hadn't even had one! Jack clamped his lips shut as he felt another chortle wanting to come free. 

"Good work, Captain. Get that info back to Doc and help out with the search, okay?" Jack opened another door, taking a peek, making a face when he saw the mess. Nope. No linguists in here. 

"Yes sir." With a click, Sam signed off. 

"Drunk." Jack muttered, shaking his head. Naked ladies running around and one drunk anthropologist. "What's next? Pink elephants?" He opened the door, took a quick peek and was about to shut it when he stopped. 

Peering in it once again, Jack nearly shouted when he realized that the gray covered lump on the bottom bunk was not dirty laundry. Rather, one sleepy Daniel Jackson cuddled up in a blanket, the silliest smile on his face, glasses crooked on his face. 

"Gotcha!" Jack whispered, trying not to wake him and he looked outside the door to see where they were. When he saw the room number he nearly fell to the floor. 

"My room?" The colonel gawked at the numbers etched above. Sure it enough, it was his bunkroom. Daniel had gone straight back to Jack's room. 

The colonel didn't know whether to laugh or to go over there and throttle the guy awake. 

"Ja'k?" 

Blinking, Jack noticed that Daniel was sitting up now, rubbing his eyes with his fist, squinting at him. His shirt all rumpled, hair sticking out in all directions, Daniel didn't look like he had been leading Jack on a merry chase. Rather, that he had been sleeping here the whole time. 

Realizing that he was staring, Jack coughed awkwardly. "Daniel." 

"See?" Daniel grinned as his head swayed slightly side to side. "Qu'et." 

"Yeah...it is." Jack mentally groaned when he realized that was probably why the scientist went a wandering. "But I know an even better place." 

"Re'lly?" 

"Yeah....really quiet." Jack grabbed him by the arm and gently stood him up. "Let's go...maybe then I can get some sleep." 

"You sh'uld..." Daniel told him solemnly. "You look l'ke h'll, Ja'k." 

Jack hurried his steps before he was tempted to shake the man after all.   


*****

  


Giving the now sleeping man a gentle pat on the head, Janet smiled as Daniel murmured something before turning on his side and going back to sleep. The man was going to have a heck of a headache when he woke up a day later, but at least that was all he was going to have. 

"Everything looks okay, Colonel. The effects are already wearing off. We'll keep him hydrated to stave off the hangover effects, but other than that, he'll be fine...Colonel?" Janet walked over to the chair Jack occupied, his head bowed slightly as before when he was waiting for her to finish her examination. "Jack?" 

The older man replied with a snore. 

"Poor guy." Janet said with a fond smile. She stretched out, feeling her spine pop. "Guess I can let him sleep there for a while." At least this epidemic, if it could really be called that, wasn't as bad as she thought. 

A voice from one of the beds piped up in a loud "I'm Henry the eighth I am! Henry the eighth I am I am! I am-" 

Then again- 

Six other voices happily joined in, including Makepeace. Janet groaned. She looked around but couldn't find her helper in sight. 

"Smiths!"   


* * *

>   
> © October 19,1999 The characters mentioned in this story are the property of Showtime and Gekko Film Corp.  
> The Stargate, SG-I, the Goa'uld and all other characters  
> who have appeared in the series STARGATE SG-1 together with the names,   
> titles and backstory are the sole copyright property of MGM-UA Worldwide Television,   
> Gekko Film Corp, Glassner/Wright Double Secret Productions and Stargate SG-I Prod. Ltd.   
> Partnership.  
> This fanfic is not intended as an infringement upon those rights and   
> solely meant for entertainment.   
> All other characters, the story idea and the story itself   
> are the sole property of the author.   
> 

* * *

  


##### To Brenda for the fast beta. *g* To DawnC from the Sentinel list. Thanks for the "mangoes", girl! And to Bastet, for her 101 Dalmatians.

* * *

  



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